†004 - I used to live alone before I knew you

[bucuresti]

[It wasn't like Mihail thought it wasn't going to happen. After all, how would he and Yuri be any exception? Perhaps it's one of those blessing-and-curse moments, where they got Nadezhda longer than most people kept their child, but alternatively, they got more attached in that time. So this hurts more than it should. It hurt looking at the pseudo-nest of pillows on his bed and realizing it was empty. It hurt realizing that all the tickle attacks that got her out of a bad mood weren't going to happen anymore. It hurt knowing that all the self-made jars of baby food were now useless and destined for the trashcan. It hurt more than anything to realize that he was never going to curl up beside her and hum her to sleep.

And now it's led to Mihail perching on the edge of the couch, a half-drained bottle of absinthe held between his knees, staring mindlessly at the carpet in front of his fireplace like that will somehow bring her back. It won't, and he knows that. He really can't find the proverbial silver lining on a cloud, or anything to keep him optimistic for that matter. Really, it's just been him reprimanding himself for getting attached, getting angry at the building for doing something like that, and dwelling continuously on what he's lost.]